Severe thunderstorms have been rolling across our state the last few days. With high winds, blinding rain and even hail, they have been treacherous to say the least. Yesterday, as I drove to work, traffic crawled at a snail’s pace because visibility was only about 2 feet! I clinched the steering wheel with white knuckles and was exhausted by the time I arrived at my job. I collapsed in my desk chair, thankful that I had made it.
Honestly, these storms have mirrored my insides. A few days ago, while I was out-of-town, an emotional storm started rolling in and ravaged me in very familiar ways. Old triggers were being set off and I felt out of control and like a wounded animal. My mind and emotions could not seem to settle or find any peaceful calm place. After an entire day of being in inner turmoil, I prayed, cried, yelled, and finally retreated to my bed thankful that I had made it.
I don’t understand days like these and I wish with every fiber of my being not to have any more of them. Sadly, I know that I probably will and I am trying to gain as much insight as possible. Here’s what I have come up with so far:
- Being in unfamiliar settings can put me off kilter
- Fears are opportunistic
- I do not think in reasonable ways when I am off kilter
- It’s ok to retreat to my room!
- As I get older, my body handles stress in different and lesser ways
- Nothing can snatch me out of the Father’s hand!
- God does not love a future version of me, He loves me NOW!
- Feelings do not always reflect the truth
- God, like the good father He is, pities my broken and weak state
I am going to try to remember these truths for the next time. I also want to remember that times of dysregulation and being out of kilter are a normal part of living in a fallen world. I will also remember the words of Corrie Ten Boom:
“There is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still.”